Odysseus has nothing on me…

June 4th, 2008

So....

It seems I've disappeared for quite a long while. So long in fact, that even my three devoted readers have decided to call it quits, and dedicate themselves to what I seem to lack, namely a life.

Anyway, there is no point in relating my reasons for being remiss in giving you (imaginary reader) more material to peruse. Suffice it to say that unlike the Shrewd Odysseus, I didn't enjoy the company of a hot sea goddess during my absence.

Seeing how I've been experiencing somewhat of a creative lull, I've decided to try something different. Obviously, this entire enterprise is so tongue in cheek that it crosses the line from ironic to plain weird and then back again, but it also serves as a way to articulate certain musings of mine on movies, poetry and art (yes – there is a serious component to the site – check the FAQs if you don't believe me ).

However, I currently have nothing to say, other than No Country for Old Men is one depressing movie, Indy 4 was not as good as it should have been, and Iron Man was surprisingly awesome. That's... about all I can come up with. Hopefully, my ephemeral trio of readers will stick around until my next magnum opus.

Stay epic!

Dinner in Hell. Party of 300.

March 8th, 2007

OMG! 300 opens tomorrow, and I have an epic poem about it. OMGROFL! hurry up and read it you lazy bastards! Click on the link - MOST EPIC EVAR!

You wanna a preview? What? Hell no! What did I say? READ THE F*CKING POEM!

I am back – with Androktantês

February 11th, 2007

So, it seems I've been in a coma for the last few months, or abducted by aliens or something, since it's been so long since I added to my magnum opus that this site is about as current as the crappy movies I write about. So... to redeem myself, I decided to take on a less crappy movie and give you The Terminator in the style of a Greek tragedy. Again, a short sample on the right to help you decide whether you'd rather read this or do something less painful, like say, a prostate exam. The prostate exam would definitely take less time.

O Muse, my fire, o Kronion’s child
come to me from Olympian heights,
and lace my tongue with Orphean skill
so that I may sing unto the ages
the lay of Androktantês Mankiller
whose steely limbs and bronze sinews
did death deal among the children of Men.
Yet he himself, a Kouros of Hadês,
a child of Man was verily also
if not begotten from a father’s loins,
then sprung from his head like grey-eyed Pallas.

Fifth Element is now Epic!

September 18th, 2006

UPDATE!: now with moo.fx goodness...

So, here's another, or at least the first four parts of it. Remember, this is epic poetry, and it's supposed to be long, so at least I'm being considerate and feeding you a little at a time. You'll be thankful by the time this monster is done, and it will prep you for some of the upcoming Epic Junk poems that will surely strain your patience more than a LOTR extended edition marathon strained your bladder.

Again, a sample on the right.

I: Prologue

O! Daystar burning
‘pon dreary sands descended
bellow the beasts! roars resounding!
with wizened hands, a servant of stars
the water bewitches! bane of th’ bold

For fearless fools, afar from light
and air, cower in sanctums of Kemet!
secrets seeking of fell lords
and knowledge fateful
to waken the woe!

In an age of epicness…

September 17th, 2006

one man brought it...or so the trailer would begin (coming to epicjunk.com this Christmas)

In the meantime, hey! The site is live and running, and it begins with the Ode of Godsname and the Wyrm. I hope you enjoy this first foray into epicizing cinema, and stay tuned for the regular updates every week, with the first installment of Carmen Quintessantiæ coming up shortly!

Lo! The warm air beckons, the ward of the weary,
God's green opal, blood bismirched.
'pon a squire's sinless sight
brutal death emblazoned
Haste and heat; hurry to hiding

Dark death awaits beyond the gates
yet darkness descends to save the done-for
gleaming helm of ebony
brightness of Samuel
angel of God, gentle joy of flight