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So, you came to see an epic poem based on an apparently very epic movie, based on an epic graphic novel, based on an earlier epic novel, based on a even earlier epic movie, based on some epic poems written after the epic account by Herodotus based on the actual epic event in the epic past of....ARGGHGHG!!!!

Sorry – I just couldn't handle that shit. If this whole Leonidas/Spartans affair got any more epic, the Persians would have an army of 20 million and be manned by the assorted ranks of Klingons, clone troopers, Jedi, Fremen, ninjas and/or pirates. Xerxes would be played by Patrick Stewart (duh!) and he would be riding on a Shai-Hulud, while his Immortals would either be led by Wolverine, or be an army of Elves. The Leonidas character would be replaced by Jack Bauer or Chuck Norris or something, and he would single-handedly slaughter every single one of Xerxes' dudes, and be back home in time to make love to his wife.

Well, that won't happen. Instead, here's something a bit different to dilute all the epicness, and seeing how it's St. Patrick's Day very soon, I decided to grace you all with a limerick.

There you go. Oh, and go see the movie. If there ever was a movie about greasy naked guys with long swords, thick spears and round shields you can go and see with your dad, brothers, buddies or whoever, and still feel as manly as you did going into it, THIS is IT. For the rest of you, have a happy International Women's Day.